Category Archives: Stay At Home Dad

Diabetic Jihad

diabetic jihad

Living in modern times is super scary.  There is a holy war going on and Muslims are imposing their will on the American public.  It’s time to start thinking about our children before they get their heads chopped off to appease the Koran.  Donald Trump knows what is best for our country.  It’s time to build a wall and kick out the Muslims.

I have been searching for an analogy to explain how it feels to raise a child with type 1 diabetes and saw a correlation with the Muslim religion.  Much like the Muslim religion, diabetes is generalized and misunderstood.  If you have an extreme passion for caring for your child or read the Koran, you may be considered a terrorist.  I will not be voting for Donald Trump, but understand the concept of putting up a wall.  I have done an excellent job of alienating people who do not believe in the way I chose to manage diabetes.

My son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when he was 3 years old.  I have been managing his diabetes for over 2 years and still do not understand Gods will.  I am aware that I am struggling and striving to manage my son’s diabetes the best I can.  The Arabic translation for Jihad means to struggle and strive, while most people associate the word to mean “Holy War”.  I can relate to struggling and striving; and understand the impact diabetes management has on family life.   I am not Muslim, but am often misinterpreted, and have created my own holy war.

I remember the first couple times I took my son for his 3 month follow up appointments. The nurses would draw his blood for an A1c test that measures his blood glucose average for the previous 3 months.  The A1c test was my report card for how I was treating my son’s diabetes.  I quickly learned that I was failing my son.  Unlike receiving a failing grade on a college exam, my failures meant that I was hurting my son physically and psychologically . How do caregivers of children with type 1 diabetes deal with the feeling of failure?

I did not take failure very well.  I blamed myself for my son acquiring type 1 diabetes.   I convinced myself that his diabetes must have been from something I fed him, immunization shots, or something else that I subjected him too.  I thought the easiest way to deal with his diabetes was to admit that “I gave my 3 year old son type 1 diabetes”. Someone had to be accountable, and I put that burden on myself.   What could I do to make up for the pain I caused my son?

I have a degree in nutrition and decided that I was going to redeem myself by giving him the best care possible.  I prayed to God everyday to help me cure my son’s diabetes.  I honestly believed that diabetes could be reversed.   I became obsessed with nutrition literature, meal planning, and treated diabetes management with military precision.  I nominated myself to become a diabetes caliph and was ready to impose my beliefs on anyone that was part of my son’s life.  I became a diabetes extremist and assumed everybody had the ability to manage diabetes to my specifications.

Now I was ready for invasion.  The first territory I decided to invade was my wife and mother in law.  I had good intentions to share my knowledge and passion for my son, but quickly got angered when people were not living up to my expectations.  I assumed everyone would be receptive to my care plan, and thought they were acting in spite of me when things didn’t go as planned.  I treated people in my life like infidels.  My biggest weapon of mass destruction was my inability to practice discretion.  The emotional damage I caused was fierce and had many casualites.  What impact does this type of behavior have on families trying to raise a child with type 1 diabetes?

My son’s numbers improved dramatically but I was not happy.  The endocrinologist told me that my son had an excellent A1c but that was not good enough.  I wanted total control and was not content with doing a good job of managing his diabetes.  I wanted a flawless care plan and still had hopes for a cure.  The people around me were afraid to grocery shop, prepare meals, vocalize their opinion, and quickly became passive aggressive.   I made people feel bad for taking care of my children.  I became obsessed with food choices and started invading other territories.  I had conversations with neighbors about not giving my children snacks.  I voiced my displeasure with the library for serving my children snacks at book club, and contacted the school to protest the ice-cream social on registration day.  I became a dictator and hurt the people around me.  What did I learn after the smoke settled and I started counting the casualties.

I will never be able to control my son’s type 1 diabetes.  I did an excellent job of managing my son’s diabetes but made the people in my life miserable.  A red dye Popsicle from my neighbor is not going to kill my children.  I learned to be content with the fact that I managed my son’s diabetes well.   I was the one cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner and had the most impact on my sons diabetes.  A hot dog from my wife on the weekend was not going to hurt my son.  I learned that diabetes is emotionally draining and families should seek counseling right away.

I wrote this blog after I realized that I needed help.  My depression grew deeper and deeper as I alienated the most important people in my life.  If I were to give any advice to a new family trying to deal with the stress of managing diabetes, I would tell them to sign up for family counseling as soon as possible.  Do not blame yourself for the diabetes.  Trying to control diabetes will tear your family apart.  Learning to manage the diabetes with the people in your lives is crucial.  The psychological effect diabetes has on caregivers and family is one of the most important issues to address.  Caregivers need support and someone to talk with.   Love and care for your family and do not push them away.

Peace out! Gotta bounce.  I need to arrest an infidel for giving my son artificial sweeteners.

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Meninist Movement For Stay-At-Home Dads

Meninist Movement For Stay-At-Home Dads!

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I’m so tired of women talking about my sweet ass every time I drop off my children at soccer practice.  I can’t take my kids to the library anymore without some ignorant bitch trying to fondle my package.  Don’t get me started talking about sexual discrimination in the work place!  I don’t know how many times I got passed up on a job because some woman had a sweet ass and nice tits.  No wonder why drag is so popular!  I understand Bruce Jenner.  Life would be so much easier if I had some boobs and a vagina.  How long will it be before we stop the persecution of dads?

I tip my hat to the feminist movement.  The multiple battles confronted to advance women’s rights displays the courage of women and exemplifies the struggles of self fulfillment.   The hardships women overcame during the feminist movement is nothing to be sarcastic about.  A woman’s role in life should not be limited to serving her husband, taking care of children, having sex, and performing domestic chores.   A woman should be respected for whatever role is best for the family.  The notion of women being equal to men is widely accepted in civilized societies.  The feminist movement had a dramatic impact on family dynamics and helped women gain the respect they deserved.

I do not have women telling me that I have a sweet ass at the grocery store.  Women do not grope my package in public.  Mentioning a woman having a sweet ass and nice tits is misogynistic and proves that women still face discrimination after all of the progress from the feminist movement.  Having a vagina and boobs does not make life easier.  We are lucky to live in a society that has learned to protect and respect women.  Good men respect women.  Good dads teach their son’s to respect women.  Do women respect men?Did the Alpha female bring us back to the 1950’s?  Do wives know how to respect stay-at- home dads?

“Mommy Mommy!  What does daddy do?” asked a 10 year old boy?  Well that easy Johnny! Daddy gets you ready for school in the morning, keeps the house clean, makes dinner, and changes the babies diapers.  A good father takes care of children while living up to the ideals of the 1950’s.   A good man buys the woman flowers, takes her on dates,  makes babies whenever the woman wants, and spends 55 hours per week doing domestic chores.  A good father stays at home with the kids until kindergarten; and than he needs to start making money.  A good man bows down to his queen and offers her emotional support for her work stress.  Now get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich peasant boy!  Women have become very convincing at having it both ways!

The discrimination fathers face in the 21st century is not as transparent as the injustice women were subjected to before the feminist movement.  I am stay-at-home dad and like to write about my experiences raising my children.  I have been searching for a medium to describe my role of a stay-at-home dad and was immediately drawn to the feminist movement.  I was able to relate to the role of a mother from the 1950’s and her struggles for recognition.  The struggles stay-at-home dads are confronted with are serious but may never be acknowledged?  I realized that stay-at-home moms have more rights than stay-at-home dads and get more respect.  Not to many people have realized how the feminist movement steam rolled modern day stay-at-home dads?

A mother in the 1950’s was respected if she served her husband, did her chores, and took care of the children.  The husband took her out on dates, bought her flowers, and was aware of the emotions of raising children.  Mothers didn’t have their parents and in-laws asking  them what job they were going to get after the children started school.  Mothers didn’t have the stigma of doing something wrong because they were not making money.  Women in the 1950’s and future generations have been respected for fulfilling their role of a stay-at-home mom.  Fathers have been trying to find their place in society since women gained respect in the work force.  There are higher expectations for stay-at-home dads, less emotional support, and very little understanding.

I love my role of a stay at home dad.  Staying at home with children is the most rewarding job in the world.  I often feel guilty that I was unable to be a better provider for my family.  I feel like I did something wrong after my wife took the lead role.  These feelings were instilled in me during my childhood.  Society still embraces the notion that men should be the bread winners of the family.  Stay at home fathers frequently hear comments that reinforce the stereotype that men should be working and women should stay at home with children.  Can I please concentrate on raising my children, supporting my wife during graduate school, and figure out how to deal with the emotions of raising children without someone asking me, “Where are you going to work when the kids are in school?”  Will stay-at-home dads ever get any respect?  Can fathers talk about their emotions?

Women can find time to hang out with friends but are 1950’s old fashioned when it comes to taking their husbands out.  I do not have any money.  I wear sweat pants everyday.  I am exhausted from raising children.  I feel guilty spending money.  Do I need to get a part time job for romance?  Is it wrong for me to say “she never buys me flowers.  Am I wrong for thinking a wife should go out with her husband more than her friends?  Do fathers deserve more recognition for staying at home with children?  Can we silence the stereotypes, learn to support fathers, and embrace the feelings of men?  How can we stop the discrimination towards fathers and balance the dynamics of families?    

It’s time for a revolution!  We need to fight for father’s rights!                                              Support the Meninist Movement!

Peace out! Gotta Bounce!  My wife just got back from her pedicure and she wants me to make her a sandwich.

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I Didn’t Buy Her Flowers (Life of a Stay-at-Home-Dad)

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The one word that comes to mind when I think about my mother raising our family is Struggle.  

The struggle was real, and the people in our lives were aware that my mother needed help.

The people involved in my life taught me compassion, empathy, and most of all acceptance.

I accepted the struggles of my family, and was taught to respect women and the role of motherhood.   Empathy was instilled in me when I heard relatives  say, “your poor mom never gets a break” – “Your dad is always at work and that is hard on your mom” – “Be easy on your mother, she does a lot for you kids”.   I learned at an early age that the stress of raising children had an effect on my mom’s behavior, and that stress from work had an impact on my father.

My parents fought a lot when I was a child and I was aware of the struggles of raising children.

My father worked a lot during my early childhood and his role was limited to providing for the family.  He was a workaholic and we always needed more money.  His role as a provider was widely accepted and he fit in very well with his era.

I knew at an early age that taking care of children was hard work.   Where was my Dad’s empathy?  Why was he yelling at my mom about his his hair brush being out of place?   Doesn’t he know that my little brother peed in the dressing room today, and my Mom just got home from cheer-leading practice?  Dinner didn’t make itself, and my poor mom hasn’t had a break all day.  I can still hear the voices in my head saying “Stick up for your mother”. My mom had people in her corner and their voices had an influence on the admiration and appreciation I have for my mom.

I never understood my parents arguing when I was child, but my father did teach me about compassion.  My Dad always brought my mom home flowers on days the tensions of family life got out of control.   I knew my dad was sorry for his actions and acknowledging his mistakes seemed to comfort my mom.

I never understood how my parents found a way to love each other after their crazy fights.  I just knew my dad brought home flowers and that seemed to work for a while.  My dad was a repeat offender and the the arguments ensued throughout my childhood until my parents got divorced.   The divorce was all my dads fault in my childhood mind and I just wanted things to get better for my mom.

My perspective of marriage and raising children changed dramatically when I brought my own children into the world.

Being a stay at home dad in the 21st century is nothing like the life I knew growing up. There is no empathy, compassion, or understanding of what it is like to be a stay at home dad.   Women got respect in the workforce while stay-at-home-dads have no place in the world.   Sometimes I think I would be better off being kidnapped by ISIS.  At least the suffering would stop when they chop off my head.

I do not get the respect my mom was afforded.  I do not have relatives feeling the need to help me.  People do not reach out to me and ask me how I am feeling.   Besides, my parents are to busy helping out my sisters.   Men are supposed to be strong and it’s absurd to think dads need help raising their children.  Watch the kids, cook them food, clean up their mess, but don’t think for one minute that your allowed to have emotions.

Don’t believe me?  Try telling your wife that she hurt your feelings.  Try suggesting that having a bad day with the children can effect your mood or behavior.   Do not be mad at today’s working mom, she was never taught how to have empathy for her father.  I do not have relatives telling my children “be nice to your father, he has a lot of stress”   You will never hear my parents or in-laws tell my wife “Your poor husband hasn’t had a break all day”.

My son has type 1 diabetes and I cry on days his sugars are out of control.  I do not feel comfortable sharing my feelings because it is not allowed or accepted.  People may say that a man is allowed to be vulnerable and emotional, but society has not found a way to comfort him.  There are several misconceptions and stereotypes that prevent men from being respected for their role of a stay at home dad.

I need comfort but do not get it from my wife because she was not taught the same principles I learned growing up.  Compassion for fathers was not instilled in most women.   She learned that her father went to work and provided for the family.  She watched her father bring home flowers when he was trying to make her mother feel better.   She witnessed her grandma and aunts being there for her mom but does not understand why the father of her children needs the same help.  Society does not understand the struggles of being a stay at home dad.  Did I understand the struggles of my wife being the provider?

I never realized how sad it was to be away from the kids until my wife and I got separated and I went 3 days without seeing my children.  I have never cried so much in my life during those 3 days.  I had an epiphany and realized the depression my wife endured being away from the children was something I failed to realize.  I was familiar with the feelings of my mother growing up, but never put much thought into the feelings of my father.  He spent most of  his time working and I was not aware of his feelings.  I was not aware of my wife’s feelings until it was to late.

My wife and I are going through the process of divorce and I cannot go one day without analyzing where our marriage failed.  I spent the past 5 years of my life searching for recognition and trying to deal with the feeling of failure for not being a financial provider.  I did a wonderful job of being a stay at home dad but failed to realize women in the workforce still have strong emotions that need attention and comfort.  You cannot expect a working mother with young children to have a role limited to being a provider.   Women still need the emotional support which is hard to provide if your a dad striving for acceptance.  We did not understand the role reversal of modern times in time to save our marriage.

I do not have the same luxury of sharing my feelings because I was taught that emotions from a man are taboo.  My wife and I had some of the same struggles I witnessed in my childhood with one exception.

I didn’t buy her flowers.

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